BRIGHTON FESTIVAL REVIEW

BIG DADDY VERSUS GIANT HAYSTACKS

The Old Courtroom, May 26–28, 10pm.
01273 709709

This new comedy from Brighton writers Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon (the men behind history-of-aviation drama Those Magnificent Men) concerns the wrestling behemoths of yesteryear, played by Ross Gurney Randall and David Mounfield respectively, who also assay a supporting cast of such luminaries as Paul McCartney and Princess Margaret. The two performers are pitch-perfect, as is the writing. Unlike the majority of modern theatre, with its site-specific gimmicks, and video projections, this show used the time-honoured theatrical tricks of the trade - quick-changes, crisp dialogue, and performances which were always hugely-energetic without ever being over-the-top - and used them to whip up the audience into a veritable frenzy. I have no hesitation in awarding this play five stars. Theatre at its best.

BFI SCREENING - LOST CARRY ON FILMS

From June 15th - 22nd the BFI will be screening a series of Carry On Films previously thought to be lost or destroyed.

CARRY ON RATIONING (1958)
Black marketeer Sid Knockers (Sid James) becomes embroiled in a scheme to forge green shield stamps.

CARRY ON VET (1962)
Animal doctors Sid Crumpet (Sid James) and Norbert Riddle (Kenneth Connor) accidentally breed a dog that can predict the future.

CARRY ON SPACE RACE (1968)
British astronaut Albert Peeing (Charles Hawtrey) attempts to reach the moon, beating American Tex Dallas (Sid James) and Russian Ivan Normous (Bernard Bresslaw).

CARRY ON, MAN (1969)
Hippie dropout Cedric Featherstone (Robin Asquith) puts LSD in the water supply of a suburban street, transforming the lives of Sid Banger (Sid James), wife Nora (Patsy Rowlands) and uptight neighbour George (Terry Scott) and resulting in a jaw-dropping orgy.

CARRY ON NOTHING (1978)
Glue-sniffing Sid Vicious (Sid James) attempts to destroy society.

CARRY ON YUPPIE (1985)
Besuited filofax-worshipper Gus Gecko (Peter Howitt) tries to develop a run-down estate, but residents Sid Grabber (Sid James), Trudy Truelove (Barbara Windsor), and Bert Silage (Peter Butterworth) have other ideas, as they swap his cocaine for laxative and frame him for insider trading.

CARRY ON INTERNET (2001) 

Dot com millionaire Sid Screwer (Sid James) invents a robotic woman (Jo Guest) but then goes bust and blows his brains out.

CARRY ON JIHAD (2010)
A terrorist cell lead by Sid Khan (Sid James) tries to blow up the houses of parliament. Directed by Chris Morris.

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL - HIGHLIGHTS

LITERATURE

Adrian Chiles reads extracts from his erotic best-seller The Sea Captain’s Daughter and Dermot Murnaghan (from BBC2’s Eggheads) reads from his sonnet sequence, ‘A Ragged Handkerchief’. Free cake.
27 May, 1pm, Old Market Arts Centre, £25/20

FILM
WIMAGES: short films by local
female directors on the subject of being a woman in Brighton today. Jesus. Free cake.
28 May, 7pm, Brighton Media Centre, £10/8

MUSIC

The Ken Ringworm Trio make a welcome return to the Festival with their very English brand of New Orleans Jazz. Expect such standards as ‘Bluer Than Blue’, ‘Gonna Kill That Woman’, and Ken’s own composition, ‘Deck Chair Rag’. Free cake.
29 May, 8pm, Hanbury Ballroom, £12/10

WORKSHOPS

PLAYING RENE IN ‘ALLO ‘ALLO: day-long workshop for actors to rise to the unique artistic challenge of playing Rene in Allo Allo. Conducted by Jeffrey Holland, who played the part in the 2009 stage adaptation. Free cake. 

30 May, 11am, St Nicholas’ Church, Dyke Road, £10/8

TOURS

JOINING THE CIRCUS: tour of locations used in the failed 2000 Eddie Izzard Brighton-based thriller Circus. Beginning outside The Rock Shop it takes in such memorable sites as the bit under the West Pier and the bit under Brighton Pier. Free cake.30 May, 1pm, £8/5

COMING SOON

NEW DOOMED, CASH-IN MUSICALS BASED ON RECENT FILMS


ANCHORMAN
Lee Evans and Connie Fisher star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2004 hit comedy. Songs include ‘Here Is The News’, ‘Not On My Watch’ and ‘Autocue Blues.’

KNOCKED UP
Robert Webb and Sarah Harding in The Really Useful Theatre Company’s adaptation of the Seth Rogan runaway hit. Songs include ‘Eggs Over Easy’, ‘How Did I Ever Let Someone Like Him Leave Something Like This In My Life’, and ‘Just Get It Outa Me’.

FAILURE TO LAUNCH
Alan Davies and Samantha Janus star in this unconvincingly anglicised adaptation of the 2006 E4 standby romcom. Songs include ‘Mum And Dad Know Best’, ‘Strictly Cash Only’, and ‘Strange New Feeling’.

DODGEBALL 
Martin Freeman and Mackenzie Crook in Stephen Daldry’s adaptation of Stiller/Vaughn generic sports comedy. Songs include ‘Abs and Pecs’, ‘Shiver Me Timbers’ and ‘It’s Not The Taking Part, It’s The Winning’.

BRONSON 
Another brave change of direction for Michael Ball as he swaps his ‘50s beehive for a false moustache in this RSC production of the grim British 2008 biopic. Songs include ‘Tighten The Screw’, ‘The Slopping Out Tango’ and ‘Lights Out For Love’.

NEW THEATRE

DREAMING OF BARBRA
Cassie, a downtrodden supermarket worker with an unappreciative husband, gets through the days of drudgery by fantasising about the life of her heroine, Barbra Streisand. But what will happen when fantasy and reality mix? And can Cassie really sing ‘Lover Come Back To Me’ at the Christmas party? And does anyone care?
Richardson Theatre, Previews 28 May, 8pm, £22/£15

FAIRIES, DINOSAURS, SPACEMEN, UNDERPANTS AND FOOTBALL
Attempt to cover all bases for a childrens’ show.
Little Wee Tiny Theatre Wednesday 29 May, 2 & 6pm, £15/£12

LICK YOUR POISON OFF MY FACE
Self-consciously confrontational and profane dance/theatre piece in which a black skinhead slowly beats a pregnant female vicar to death while a nude prostitute in a wheelchair reads from the collected poems of George Meredith.
Royal Court Cloakroom, Wednesday 29 May 8pm £10/£8

SHATTERPROOF GLASS 
Modern (ie ‘80s) would-be-sophisticated thriller concerning insider-trading city financer Martin Glass, who attempts to murder his wife by computer. Set in the Costa del Sol and starring two people who were once in soap operas.
Prince Edward Theatre, Previews 30^th May, 7.30pm, £20/£18

CARRY ON ABOVE
The ghost of Sid James and the ghost of Bernard Bresslaw debate the meaning of existence in this frankly underwhelming two-hander.
Greenwich Theatre, 31^st May - 3^rd June, 8pm, £12/£10

BLU RAY RELEASE

EVERYTHING (TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX/METRO-GOLDWYN-MEYER/ORION/PARAMOUNT/BBC WORLDWIDE/THAMES ETC.) £999.99

Every single film and television show ever made is to be included in this, “the ultimate boxset.” Volume one includes complete runs of The Addams Family, After MASH, Airwolf, and The Arthur Askey Show, as well as the films A.I., About A Boy, About Schmidt, Accident, The Accidental Husband, and The Accidental Tourist.

NEW TV SHOW

RIVER COTTAGE CANNIBAL (MONDAY 28TH MARCH, CHANNEL 4, 9PM)
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall hunts down, kills, and cooks once-famous TV chefs in an astonishing example of social Darwinism. This week: Gary Rhodes Wellington, Michael Barry Biryani, and Jerk Ainsley Harriott.

THEATRE

SIGNIFYING NOTHING: HELLO< HELLO< GOODBYE

The feted physical theatre group present a show which turns out to be an idea nicked from a novel by Nabokov or Herman Hesse or someone, as is always the case with physical theatre groups. Anyway, it's business as usual – some over-emoting while two actors pretending to be businessmen discussing female circumcision or similar, and then there's a low, "comedy" bit where another actor comes on doing a funny walk with a fez on and pretends to break wind, and you're supposed to laugh. Then everybody runs about a bit while they play a Rolling Stones song. And there's two hours of this. Oh well, never mind. At least one of the actresses is quite attractive, so you can stare at her and try and take your mind of the rest of it. And there's a bit where she nearly gets her kit off.
Soho Theatre. Monday 18^th April. 8.00PM. £12/£10

CHRISTWATER: BENEATH A STEEL SKY

Who is Jojo? Where did he get that scar on his wrist? What lies behind the yellow door? Why are the men with purple armbands after him? Are they government agents, or something much, much worse? Can brain-damaged Cal have the answer? Or not? Why does this blurb consist entirely of rhetorical questions? Anybody? 


Royal Court. Wednesday 20^th April. 8.00PM. £8/£6

NEW TV SHOW

The “The Rock 'n' Roll Years” Years (BBC 1, Thurs 28^th April, 8.00 PM)

New show remembering, with the use of archive footage, the years 1985 to 1994, when the original BBC show “The Rock 'n' Roll Years” was shown. Episode 1: 1985. Ronald Reagan is sworn in for a second term, the Live Aid concert takes place and Coca-Cola release New Coke, to the sounds of Huey Lewis and the News, Power Station, and Falco.  

COMING SOON!

NEW DOOMED CASH-IN MUSICALS BASED ON RECENT FILMS


A BEAUTIFUL MIND
Gareth Gates, Denise Van Outen, and Chico star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2001 actually-pretty-good biopic of mathematician John Nash. Songs include ‘All You Need Is A Friend’, and ‘Gotta Play The Game’.

ALONG CAME POLLY
Lee Evans and Kerry Katona star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the underwhelming 2004 Stiller-Aniston date movie. Songs include ‘Life’s A Risk’ and ‘Mess Up My Room (With Love)’

MISERY
In a rare foray into the form from the Royal Shakespeare Company, Stephen King’s macabre literary nightmare is brought to musical life by Patrick Stewart and Julia McKenzie. Songs include ‘Mister Man’ and ‘Hobbling Towards Salvation’.

MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Ruthie Henshall and Michael Ball in the National Theatre’s adaptation of the 2004 Oscar-glutton. Songs include ‘No Job For A Lady’ and ‘Ain’t Got A Leg To Stand On’.

WEDDING CRASHERS
Matthew Horne and James Corden star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the demi-popular 2005 Wilson/Vaughn clunker. Songs include ‘We’re With The Groom’, ‘Stay Away From My Daughter’, and ‘Welcome To The Club.’

NEW BBC4 DOCU-DRAMAS

EMERY

A far-too-fat-for-the-role James Corden stars as the manic-depressive, “ooh you are awful” funnyman. Contains a long scene in which Emery gazes into a mirror with a glass of whisky in front of him. Co-starring Burn Gorman as John Lennon, Rafe Spall as Roy Kinnear and Rory Kinnear as Charlie Drake.

NOW THIS IS ME

Antony Sher gives a bravura performance as alcoholic, stage fright-afflicted , actually-still-alive impressionist Mike Yarwood. Contains a long scene in which Yarwood gazes into a mirror with a glass of whisky in front of him. Co-starring Steve Pemberton as Harold Wilson and Sheridan Smith as Janet Brown.

BADDIEL

The heady days of the early 90s “comedy is the new rock n' roll” era are covered in this tale of the rise and plateau of Jewish new lad football fan standup Baddiel, played by man of a thousand faces Michael Sheen. Co-starring Russell Brand as Rob Newman, Ben Whishaw as Steve Punt, and Colin Firth as Hugh Dennis. Special appearance by Cillian Murphy as Frank Skinner. Contains a long scene in which Baddiel masturbates into a sock.    

RISE AND DAMP OF LEONARD ROSSITER

A colossally-miscast Martin Freeman struggles manfully with the role of the legendarily saturnine and “difficult” actor. Co-starring Richard Ayoade as Don Warrington and Julia Davis as Frances de la Tour. Contains a long scene in which Rossiter calls Richard Beckinsale a cunt and then gazes into a mirror with a glass of whisky in front of him.

NOT JUST WILLIAMS

Another glimpse into the life of Kenneth Williams, who must have had more plays written about him than anyone else in the history of the world. Starring an only-qualification-for-the-role-a-shared-homosexuality Matt Lucas as Williams, with Reece Shearsmith as Kenneth Connor, Mark Gattis as Bernard Bresslaw, and Matthew Horne as Sid James. Contains a long scene in which Williams flashes at Fenella Fielding, gets tossed off by a Tangiers rentboy, reads the bible, cries, and then gazes into a mirror with a glass of whisky in front of him.

COMEDY DVD RELEASES

KLINGER'S DAY (PLAYBACK) £11.99

What happens when a cross-dressing, Lebanese, Korean war vet called Max Klinger arrives to take over the management of a Stevenage supermarket? Hilarity, of a sort, ensues. This MASH spin-off, and sequel to both Tripper's and Slinger's Day from 1988 also stars Christopher Strauli, Roger Lloyd Pack, and Vicki Michelle.

THE PRODIGY AT NUMBER 16 (FAST FORWARD) £12.99

This 1993 sitcom was taken off the air after four episodes due to concerns over bad language, depictions of drug taking and the use of repetitive beats. This DVD includes all eight episodes filmed, as well as the original pilot, “Your Twisted Firestarter For Ten.”

DEY COME OVER 'ERE... (CPR) £12.99

At last a DVD release for this incredibly-controversial, never-repeated 1974 situation comedy from Johnny Speight and Vince Powell. Starring Rudolph Walker as a black National Front supporter forced to share a room with a recent Pakistani immigrant (a blacked-up Richard Wattis) by a Chinese, Mao-supporting landlord (Spike Milligan.)

BLU RAY RELEASE

THE CHRIS MORRIS GOTCHA COLLECTION (WARP) £14.99


For the first time on Blu Ray, every single one of mirth maker Chris Morris's hilarious celebrity wind-ups. Rock with laughter as the lightly-deformed jester humiliates celebrities who have, in good faith, offered to speak on subjects they believe to be in the public interest. Featuring such evergreen classics as

• Ronnie Corbett speaking out against "reverse paedophiles."
• Daley Thompson on the dangers of a new drug called "Phart."
• Lorraine Kelly crying a bit as she describes a new Rap duo called "Cot Death."
• Tony Blackburn clearly not being fooled at all, and merely going on with the interview for a laugh.

Special features include: All the interviews played backwards in slow motion with subliminal clips of "Captain Ron" played over the top, or something else that seemed absolutely hilarious to Morris while in the editing suite. 

COMING SOON!

NEW DOOMED CASH-IN MUSICALS BASED ON RECENT FILMS


MEET THE FOCKERS
Tony Danza and Lisa Kudrow star as the eponymous
couple in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2004 respectable-box-office-returns movie. Songs include: ‘The Kitty Cat Can-Can!’ and ‘Proud To Be Different’.

WHAT WOMEN WANT
Brian Conley and Sarah Lancashire star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2000 always-on-the-telly-for-some-reason Mel Gibson rare comedy outing. Songs include: ‘Screwy Broads’ and ‘Getting In Touch With My Feminine Side’.


HITCH
Gary Wilmot (playing against type) stars in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the fairly successful 2005 romantic comedy that no-one really remembers – not even Will Smith’s mum. Songs include: ‘Never A One For Me’ and ‘(All Ya Need Is) Confidence’.


AMELIE
Kym Marsh stars in the National Theatre’s through-composed adaptation of Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s delightfully cloying dollop of whimsy in which a couple of fey Neo-Situationists pursue each other round the streets of a seemingly immigrant-free Paris to the strains of an accordion. Songs include: ‘Ahaw Heehaw Heehaw!’ and ‘My Heart Is As Big (as The Arc de Triomphe)’.


AMERICAN PIE 3
Starring Dean Gaffney, Ralf Little, Lisa Scott-Lee and Jaime Winstone, with Russ Abbott as ‘Jim’s Dad’ in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2003 threequel. Songs include: ‘This One’s For Keeps’, ‘Stiffler’s Lament’, and ‘Finally Taking Her Up The Aisle.’

NEW ON TV

TV CRITIC ROYALE (BBC1, 19th February. 9.30)

Bloody, violent, self-referential futuristic game show in which
television reviewers past and present are armed to the teeth and
helicoptered to a remote island where they must battle until only one
remains, all the while reviewing the very programme they're on via
their headset microphones. Featuring, among others, globulous
antidopean Clive James, bogus curmudgeon Charlie Brooker, and
spade-faced harridan Grace Dent.

This week: Nina Myskow castrates Charlie Catchpole with a length of
razor wire but fails to spot Ally Ross's cunningly-placed landmines.

DVD RELEASE

I, BLACKIUS (AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL) £12.99


A brand spanking new digitally-restored version of this blaxploitation classic, directed by Melvin Van Peebles and originally released in 1973. Starring Richard Roundtree as Augustus, Antonio Fargas as Tiberius, Pam Grier as Messalina, Richard Pryor as Nero, and a young Samuel L. Jackson as Gaius. Adapted from the books by Robert Graves, the screenplay was written by Graves and Van Peebles with additional dialogue by Anthony Burgess. Score by George Clinton. 


ALSO AVAILABLE: BLAXPLOITATION CLASSICS VOL 1 (AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL) £19.99, FEATURING THE BLOLFMAN, THE BLUMMY, THE BLACK CREATURE FROM THE LAGOON, THE BLACKPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST AND MANY MORE.

DVD RELEASE

DOCTOR WHO: THE SPACE GULAG (BBC) £13.99

Thought lost for decades, this 1966 five-parter has been painstakingly assembled using off-air recordings, audio clips, digital animation, and state-of-the-art computer software . Blimey. Imagine if people husbanded all that energy towards something worthwhile, eh? Anyway, it's torment to sit through as usual, as the Doctor (Patrick Troughton) and his companions Victoriana and N'boto investigate a space penal colony where something seems to have gone wrong (in a storyline that bears a remarkable resemblance to a quite well-known US sci-fi novel published some years before.) Featuring Jane Asher, Don Warrington, and a visibly embarrassed Keith Barron as Senator Krill.  

LIVE SHOWS AT YOUR CINEMA

Yes! Every Sunday afternoon your local multiplex will be screening a production live from one of the world's most prestigious theatres. So you can enjoy, from the comfort of the cinema, the kind of thing for which you thought the cinema had been invented so you wouldn't have to see. 

BALLET – Sylvana – from Covent Garden, the great nineteenth century three-act ballet concerning a Polish cheesemonger's daughter's doomed love for a cursed prince,  in which they dispense with the plot after an act and a half. 

THEATRE – The Noble Gentlewoman – from the National Theatre, Tourneur and Massinger's Jacobean Tragedy in which a member of the landed gentry is driven mad by attempts upon her honour by her spurned steward. Boasting sixteen sub-plots, forty-eight deaths, and a comedy bit that's been updated to include references to the austerity measures.

OPERA – The Happy Brigand – from the Met, Donizetti's 189^th opera concerning Alberto, the leader of a band of thieves, who has the secret of his birth revealed to him by an old crone, and then swears bloody vengeance on the man who usurped his father, the duke. Including the fiendishly-difficult heroic tenor aria I, Who Am But A Poor Robber, Will Kill This Man and Laugh. Har Har.

FILM -  The Magnificent Ambersons – at the Electric Cinema. Enjoy people enjoying the tragically-bowdlerised Welles classic beamed live from Notting Hill's famous Electric Cinema, as they recline in the comfy leather armchairs and sip drinks much too posh for the likes of you.

DVD RELEASE

ARSEHOLE AND BREAKFAST TIME (THAMES/WOODEN EYE) £17.99

Finally a DVD release for the 1981 Thames detective series starring Michael Elphick as tough, sullen, uncompromising, unreconstructed London cop Harry Arsehole, and Diane Keen as Southern Belle Lily “Breakfast Time” DuBois. This box set contains all sixteen episodes of the show's two series, as well as the Christmas special “Three Wise Men and Three Wise Monkeys.” Special features include a commentary featuring Keen, series creator Brian Clemens, and, for some reason, Elphick's Three Up Two Down co-star Angela Thorne, who has no connection with the series.  

NEW THEATRE

HARTY/JONES

Peter Morgan's exhilarating new fact-based drama concerning the occasion in 1981 when the legendary disco diva attacked the portly Northern chat show host. Starring Michael Sheen as Russell Harty and Cathy Tyson as Grace Jones.

Gielgud Theatre. 28^th Feb 8.00 PM. £18/£15

SKINNER/PALMER-TOMKINSON

A new fact-based drama from the exhilarating Peter Morgan, bringing back to vivid life the mildly-embarrassing face-off between teetotal comic Frank Skinner and off-her-face socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Starring Michael Sheen as Frank Skinner and Gemma Arterton as Tara Palmer-Tomkinson.

Richardson Theatre. 28^th Feb. 8.00 PM. £18/£15

WOGAN/BOWIE

Peter Morgan's exciting new play based upon the real-life incident in 1991 when Tin Machine played the eponymous Irishman's TV chat show, and a truculent Wogan and facetious Bowie were at loggerheads. Starring Michael Sheen as Terry Wogan and Stephen Mackintosh as David Bowie.

Stephens Theatre. 1^st March 8.00 PM. £18/£15

LAMARR/RANKS

Based upon an actual event, this thrilling new drama from Peter Morgan portrays the celebrated incident in 1992 when the homophobic Jamaican rapper crossed swords with the mouthy estuary would-be-comic. Starring Michael Sheen as Mark Lamarr and Idris Elba as Shabba Ranks.

Redgrave Theatre. 2^nd March 8.00 PM. £18/£15

ANDERSON/BEE-GEES

An exhilarating drama new from the pen of fact-obsessed author Peter Morgan, dramatising the notorious, epoch-defining 1997 moment in which the neckless footlights jester insulted the helium-voiced triumvirate, causing them to exit his show unceremoniously. Starring Michael Sheen as Clive Anderson and Joe, Mark, and Stephen McGann as the Bothers Gibb.

Kinnear Theatre. 4^th March 8.00 PM. £18/£15

PARKINSON/EMU

An exhilarating new fact-based drama from...guess who? That's right – wait for it, wait for it....Peter bloody Morgan. This one is a searingly-honest, warts-and-all depiction of the controversial battle of wits between the gruff, Yorkshire, cricket-loving, seedless former journalist and the inanimate, flightless, Antipodean bird. Starring Frank Langella as Michael Parkinson and Michael Sheen as Emu.

“Parrot Face” Davis Theatre. 3^rd March 8.00 PM. £18/£15

NB – if you miss any of these, don't worry 'cos they're bound to turn up on BBC 4 sooner or later.

NEW FILMS

MOVIE BASED ON A SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SKETCH WELL-LOVED STATESIDE BUT UTTERLY UNKNOWN OVER HERE, THEREBY HAVING ALL THE APPEAL OF A PRODUCTION OF "THE WINSLOW BOY" BEING SCREENED FOR A TRIBE OF MASSAI WARRIORS (15)

12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.30

DESPERATE ADAPTATION OF MINOR COMIC BOOK HERO IN THE HOPE IT WILL GO THE SAME WAY AS THE BATMAN AND SPIDERMAN FRANCHISES, RATHER THAN FAILING DISMALLY LIKE THE HULK AND THE SHADOW (PG)

12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.00

SERIOUS GEORGE CLOONEY FILM WHERE HE PUTS SOME WEIGHT ON AND DECLINES TO DO HIS CHARMING SCHTICK IN ORDER TO REMIND THE WORLD THAT HE IS AN ACTOR AND NOT JUST A STAR (15)

10.00, 12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.30

LAST DITCH ATTEMPT AT WRINGING MORE MOOLAH OUT OF THE HARRY POTTER FRANCHISE BEFORE EVERYBODY'S FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, WHICH THEY WILL HAVE DONE IN ABOUT 1.6 YEARS, WHEN J.K.ROWLING HAS TO AUCTION HER PERSONAL BELONGINGS (U)

10.00, 12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00

EMPOWERING THING FOR WOMEN (ALL ABOUT SISTERHOOD OR FOOD OR SOMETHING) YOUR GIRLFRIEND DRAGS YOU TO SEE (15)

12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.30, 12.00

ANOTHER IN THE MIKE LEIGH CANON IN WHICH ACTORS SEEM TO BE PRESENTING WHAT THEY IMAGINE THE DIRECTOR WANTS OF THEM, I.E. AN INCREASINGLY-GROTESQUE PARODY OF WHAT, MANY YEARS AGO, ROUND ABOUT THE TIME OF "NUTS IN MAY", WAS QUITE FRESH AND HONEST (15)

2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.30

ANOTHER FAILED, HORRENDOUS JACK BLACK VEHICLE TO FURTHER WILT THE GARLANDS HE WON FOR HIMSELF WITH "SCHOOL OF ROCK" (15)

12.00, 2.00, 4.00, 8.00, 10.30